March 26, 2011

Love like no other

“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”
Esther 4:14

Divine appointments have been taking place quite often over the past couple of months.  God continually places those in my path to confirm His truth and strengthen my faith.
Several weeks ago, I was completing a mystery shop at a local fast food restaurant.  My kids were outside playing on the play set and I was dealing with doubt and discouragement.  I had arrived at yet another place where Satan was using someone to bring me down by scaring me yet again.  As usual, it worked and left me feeling hopeless.
I walked outside to collect my kids, ready to go home and climb into bed.  A man holding a five-month-old little boy greeted me.  The man looked at me and said “welcome to the family”.  He went on to say that our children had been playing and we were all now family.  I looked around and saw my three younger ones plus seven others running around.  One of his little girls walked over to me, introduced herself and shook my hand.  I was in love.  She was beautiful.  I looked at the man and asked if all the children were his?  He said yes.  He and his wife have nine children, two biological and seven adopted.  I was moved to tears.  I have always wanted to adopt.  There is such an empty place in my heart for the child/children that I know that God has out there for me.  It has been a LONG time since I have thought about adoption but immediately God brought it to my heart again. I was overcome with love for these children I did not even know. 
Moments later, his wife joined us outside and the two of us began talking. She began sharing with me about her children and her faith.  I was so encouraged.  As she was sharing, things she said pierced my heart.  She was speaking to places in which I was hurting so much at that moment.  I realized that God was speaking through her.  He was using her voice to convey audibly His truth to my heart when I needed it the most.  From there I opened up and began pouring out my story.  It was one of the first times I had shared the details of what was taking place in my life.  As I talked, she listened.  She held my hand and at times cried with me.  She then went on to say that, her sister had experienced the exact same situation within her own marriage.  I cried. When you are dealing with storms, you often feel like you are the only person in the world dealing with that situation and that no one else could ever understand.  In that moment, God used this incredible woman to speak to me, to encourage me and to bring me comfort. 
As we were sitting there, the husband passed me the little baby boy.  I sat and held him while tears streamed down my face.  I loved this little boy that I did not even know.  He looked up at me with his big beautiful brown eyes and I knew immediately that God had so much more planned for my life.  I have spent a year being told that I am an unfit mom.  As a mom, nothing could hurt more.  When you hear it, you cannot help but doubt yourself and everything that you thought that you were up to that point.  God used that beautiful little boy to remind me of what my purpose is right now and that is being a mom.  He reassured me in that moment that I am an amazing mom and He still has great plans for me.  I experienced a peace and comfort that night that I had not experienced in the two years of this ordeal that has been taking place.
Since that night, I have had several more divine appointments that I look forward to sharing with you over the next few days. 

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